How to Build Your Confidence Through CommitmentOct 11, 2022
What does it take to become more confident today?
And I mean, really become more confident, the kind of confidence that becomes magnetic to other people, the confidence that leads to becoming a charismatic leader in your industry. What is that one thing that you can begin to do today?
[Before you read too far, you can listen to the podcast version here: The Teri Holland Show ]
A lack of confidence often starts with commitment. That scary C word... commitment. And I know so many business owners who don't want to commit. I mean, they might commit to their clients and their families, but when it comes to committing to themselves, or to their business, they get scared.
Does any of this sound familiar? And often when I bring up the conversation about commitment with people, they say, "I don't have commitment issues. I'm fine." They'll tell me "Teri, I'm married. I always follow through when it comes to my clients" or "I'm committed to taking care of my children and my home."
But what's your commitment to yourself? What is your commitment level to your business?
Often I work with clients who struggle with having confidence to be seen, to put themselves "out there", to really stand out as a leader that they know, deep down, they should be, but they're lacking the confidence to really step forward and really go after success.
They think of all the times they failed in the past; of all the times, they failed themselves in the past.
Now I don't really believe there is failure. I believe there's only feedback. But if the feedback you're continually getting is that you don't follow through on the thing you say you're going to do, well, that's a problem.
Do you do what you say you're going to do? Do you follow through?
Imagine your best friend, imagine the closest relationship you have. If that person continually let you down, if they said they're going to be there for you. And then they're never there. They say, they're going to show up and they never show up. How good will that relationship be? After a while? Probably not very good. But sometimes, life happens. Things come up. We have all had that experience where a friend needs to cancel at the last minute. But, it's okay because you know that every other time they followed through, and this is the same thing.
When you make commitments to yourself, maybe you make a commitment that you're going to go to the gym every day, that week, and then you don't do it and you go, "oh, I failed again." or, "I have no willpower. I just, I just can't do it."
Or maybe you make a commitment that you're going to post something on social media every day for a week. Or maybe you commit to creating a certain amount of content or launching your podcast or blogging or whatever it is. You make a commitment to something and then you don't follow through.
In other words, you don't take the action to actually do it. And then the next time you go to do it, you think, "see? I didn't do it." And then maybe you even catch yourself saying one day, "oh, I never follow through on the things I say I'm going to do". Or "I keep saying, I'm going to do this thing. And then I don't do it".
And what is that doing to your self-esteem?
What is it doing to your confidence? You see confidence comes down to trusting yourself and trusting yourself is determined by do you do what you say are going to do?
Just like you would lose confidence in your friend if they continually let you down. If you are continually letting yourself down, you'll lose trust with you. And once you lose trust with yourself, well, there goes your confidence and there goes your self esteem and it becomes easier and easier to continue to quit, and quitting becomes a habit.
The quickest way that I know to begin to change this is to make commitments to yourself and then you stick to the commitments. Now I'm not talking about the biggest commitments of your life. I'm talking about little commitments, make micro commitments, build up your commitment, muscle, your follow through power.
Start with something easy, something highly achievable that you can get a quick win at. So you start with something small, like, making your bed every day, flossing your teeth once a day, drinking two liters of water a day, you pick something, one thing that's highly achievable and will give you a quick win.
And then you demonstrate to yourself that you're going to follow through by actually following through and doing it. And then after you've been doing that for a while, and it becomes a set routine, a set habit, add another thing. And over time slowly, gradually increase the stakes, make them bigger, make them a little bit more difficult until eventually you're accomplishing your big goals. The big things you set out to do, not just the little things, but the big things, because you're setting yourself up to win by continually proving to yourself that you do what you say you're going to do.
You'll develop a habit of success. This will build your confidence in yourself so that you become the person who always follows through. And that will build massive confidence and not just a temporary feeling of confidence, but a real lasting, deep, inner confidence in yourself.
That's the kind of confidence that's unwavering. That's the kind of confidence that can't be shaken because once you are truly confident in yourself and in your abilities, well, then it doesn't matter what anyone else says about you because you know who you are.
And as long as you know who you are, and you're confident in you, no one can shake you. No one can pull you down. No one can tell you otherwise, because you know who you are.
If I were to say to you, you're an elephant, you would probably laugh it off and say, "no, I'm not an elephant. I'm a person". Because you know, you're not an elephant. If I were to tell you that you are something that you absolutely know that you're not, you would just dismiss it. You'd laugh it off. But if you don't have that self-confidence, if you don't know who you are,then you're easily swayed by what other people tell you that you are.And you might not want to be what they say you are. You might not want to play the role that they will cast you in.
So who is that person you want to be? And how do you become the most confident version of you?
Well, it starts with just this, make a commitment to yourself, to do something and follow through and do it and then do it again and do it again. Do it again. Do it again. Even if it means that you are just making your bed every single day, or that you are drinking all your water every day for months, before you add something new. When you say you're gonna do something, you become the person who does it and think about that.
Imagine being the kind of person who always follows through, how could you not feel confident in you?
Now, if you're reading this and thinking "That's not going to make me feel more confident". Then prove me wrong. Do it for 30 days, prove me wrong. Pick something simple, commit to it, follow through and take action on it. Do it every single day for 30 days, prove me wrong.
What is the one thing that you're committed to doing?
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